I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
