Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
