Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
