i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
