When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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