he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
