I just threw up on my dentist
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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