I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
