i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
