You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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