why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
