I cannot find my penis.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
