I wish I only lived at night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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