So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
