Having a random hookup so left but love u
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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