If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
