she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
