i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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