Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
