All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
