I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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