So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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