i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
