i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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