he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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