My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
