Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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