oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
