He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
