We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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