I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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