i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
