just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
