I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
