you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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