This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
