i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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