i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
