So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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