Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
