I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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