WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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