I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
