very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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