They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
