Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
