doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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