I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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