I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
