Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
