Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
