Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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