my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
