All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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