My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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