I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
