well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
