He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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