You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
