I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
