if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
