I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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