everyone is single if you try hard enough
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize