Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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